I saw this written in Nikki’s planner–she keeps her planner open on the kitchen island to keep track of things–and while I can only guess the tone or frame of mind she intended, I think it describes today very well. With the exception that, to get to where we are today, she didn’t do a good job, she did an amazing job.
Our marriage hasn’t been the fairy tale she deserves. She married someone that repeatedly puts up a wall and says mean things when he perceives things to be a personal attack. She married someone that isn’t there to emotionally support her because he has no idea how to do that. She married someone that, when put on the spot during an argument, can't name one thing he loves about her because he has his wall up, even though he has a million reasons.
In the past 10 years (3,652 days) we had countless great moments. On top of the list is creating the most perfect human who is smart, funny, kind, caring, emotional and supportive. (He’s only 9 but he already puts me to shame in most of those traits, especially the last three.)
These great moments, while absolute contributors to the success of being here to celebrate today, don't necessarily balance out the few negatives which have the most impact. In some cases, our great moments were marred by those negative ones.
I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. I am not even the same person I was one year ago. While my fun, quirky characteristics are still at my core and make me who I am, today I am much more aware than I have ever been.
I’ve never seen things so clearly, and I have never been so grateful for what I have. Not only in my personal life but also in my professional life. I have started to communicate, to share, to feel. To really feel.
All because she chose to be with me. To put up with me, to coach me, to support me.
Thank you for being able to name not one but 10 things you love about me, even put on the spot during an argument.
Thank you for your sense of humor.
Thank you for saying exactly what I need to hear because I need to hear it, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Thank you for being the first person to listen to my ramblings about the little things that excite me that nobody really cares about.
Thank you for growing up reading so many books because John now loves to read.
Thank you for challenging me to be the best dad for John.
Thank you for asking me tough questions.
Thank you for making me call the vet.
Thank you for having the best gift ideas and teaching me that thinking of others is not a last minute thing.
Thank you for always looking for ways to make life better for our family.
Thank you for always giving honest answers to John’s questions.
Thank you for being the most selfless person I know even though I try to make you feel otherwise when I have my wall up.
Thank you for being my inspiration on this journey.
And thank you for making me want to be a better man, not for you, but for myself.
You are more stunning today than the day I met you. I am super proud of all of your accomplishments and feel very fortunate that you have chosen to share your life with me. I love you.
Happy anniversary. ❤